A Sad Sacrifice...How I Can't Stop Crying
Posted on 2011.08.15 at 10:21
It is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich. Henry Ward Beecher
In the later part of last week, I wrote my last entry, before dealing with family issues. I have received each note sent my way, and I thank you all so very much, for your total support. On one hand, it was completely heartwarming, to know that you all cared so much. It brought a smile to my face (when I really needed to smile), just knowing that when I came back, you would all be here. Here, and waiting for me.
On the other hand, however, I am devastated. All of the kindness sent my way, is making this even harder. I sit at the computer this morning, claiming time for myself. The household is chaotic. My brother and nephew are here, and talk of finances is on the early morning agenda. My sweetie went to the Moose...yet again.
Since my last entry, I have had a lot to think about.
My aunt Dee moved out. On one hand, I am completely thrilled over this. I got the feeling that she did not like me all that much. But, she came, weeks ago, offering to help out financially. And, it would have been quite a significant help. With the rent she would have paid, things would have been able to run smoothly. So, I was willing to look the other way. I mean, I can't even go get a job right now. I feel like such a loser. The only money I am able to give, is from my disability. I have not yet been released, to go back to work. And, I think it will still be a while, before I am. I know I shouldn't feel bad. I mean, I have waited a lifetime, for the opportunity I now have. My whole family knew, as I went in for my first surgery, that the recovery time would be rather long. So, not being able to work, and give much, I was willing to keep my mouth closed. My mother needs all the help she can get.
Enter, my sweetie.
I am, in all honesty, very angry over what happened. Words were spoken to my aunt. My sweetie decided to take charge, as is often the case. And, without first discussing any of it with us, a conversation occurred, with aunt Dee. A conversation that upset her so bad, she moved out immediately. Now, we are right back to where we started. My mother spends her days worrying about how she is going to keep this house, which she loves so much. My sweetie is going to the Moose on a daily basis. The Moose takes top priority. As I have said, my brother spent the weekend. And, my sweetie has been gone, the whole weekend. Each day, from morning to night, the Moose takes center stage.
And, with all the time spent at the Moose, there is no time to go look for employment.
As for me...
I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could see some other way. Even as I am writing this entry, however, I see no other alternative. My mother just came to me, minutes ago, and expressed her deep concern over losing it all.
The quote that starts this post, is a quote about sacrifice.
And, we all know sacrifice isn't easy. It is never simple to give something up. The easier thing, would be to keep what you want.
The Yarn Project, I am afraid, is going to end early.
Wow. I am bawling at this point. I never thought I would have such a hard time, saying goodbye to this Project.
And, I feel like a loser, in every way possible. I feel like I have let you all down, in such a horrible way. And, I am sorry. I am TERRIBLY sorry. You have spent your time, reading me, and cheering me on. I am so sorry, that I have disappointed you. And, I cannot help but feel like the flake, once again.
Even though I know I have no choice.
Just a few short weeks ago, I felt like the king of the world. I really thought I was going to be able, to see this thing to the end.
I am not giving up. I refuse to think of this, as giving up. I am making a sacrifice.
I will still work with yarn. And, I will still blog about it, in case any of you, care to still read me.
But, there will be a change.
Soon to come, I will re-open my Etsy shop. I will begin to crochet afghans, hats, toys, etc. And, I will hope to sell them. I know it will not bring a fortune. But, hopefully I can manage to make some money, to help pay the bills. Hopefully, I can use my crocheting abilities, to help out, in this household.
The one reason, I am doing this.
My mother asked me to.
"Can you start selling your stuff online?"
How can I say no?
I am sorry. I really am. I feel devastated. I really don't want this Project to end. But, my skills are needed, in an effort to bring in money. My skills are needed to help my family, rather than just myself.
An Etsy shop will be up soon.
As for The Yarn Project...
I will always remember what it has taught me.
In the later part of last week, I wrote my last entry, before dealing with family issues. I have received each note sent my way, and I thank you all so very much, for your total support. On one hand, it was completely heartwarming, to know that you all cared so much. It brought a smile to my face (when I really needed to smile), just knowing that when I came back, you would all be here. Here, and waiting for me.
On the other hand, however, I am devastated. All of the kindness sent my way, is making this even harder. I sit at the computer this morning, claiming time for myself. The household is chaotic. My brother and nephew are here, and talk of finances is on the early morning agenda. My sweetie went to the Moose...yet again.
Since my last entry, I have had a lot to think about.
My aunt Dee moved out. On one hand, I am completely thrilled over this. I got the feeling that she did not like me all that much. But, she came, weeks ago, offering to help out financially. And, it would have been quite a significant help. With the rent she would have paid, things would have been able to run smoothly. So, I was willing to look the other way. I mean, I can't even go get a job right now. I feel like such a loser. The only money I am able to give, is from my disability. I have not yet been released, to go back to work. And, I think it will still be a while, before I am. I know I shouldn't feel bad. I mean, I have waited a lifetime, for the opportunity I now have. My whole family knew, as I went in for my first surgery, that the recovery time would be rather long. So, not being able to work, and give much, I was willing to keep my mouth closed. My mother needs all the help she can get.
Enter, my sweetie.
I am, in all honesty, very angry over what happened. Words were spoken to my aunt. My sweetie decided to take charge, as is often the case. And, without first discussing any of it with us, a conversation occurred, with aunt Dee. A conversation that upset her so bad, she moved out immediately. Now, we are right back to where we started. My mother spends her days worrying about how she is going to keep this house, which she loves so much. My sweetie is going to the Moose on a daily basis. The Moose takes top priority. As I have said, my brother spent the weekend. And, my sweetie has been gone, the whole weekend. Each day, from morning to night, the Moose takes center stage.
And, with all the time spent at the Moose, there is no time to go look for employment.
As for me...
I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could see some other way. Even as I am writing this entry, however, I see no other alternative. My mother just came to me, minutes ago, and expressed her deep concern over losing it all.
The quote that starts this post, is a quote about sacrifice.
And, we all know sacrifice isn't easy. It is never simple to give something up. The easier thing, would be to keep what you want.
The Yarn Project, I am afraid, is going to end early.
Wow. I am bawling at this point. I never thought I would have such a hard time, saying goodbye to this Project.
And, I feel like a loser, in every way possible. I feel like I have let you all down, in such a horrible way. And, I am sorry. I am TERRIBLY sorry. You have spent your time, reading me, and cheering me on. I am so sorry, that I have disappointed you. And, I cannot help but feel like the flake, once again.
Even though I know I have no choice.
Just a few short weeks ago, I felt like the king of the world. I really thought I was going to be able, to see this thing to the end.
I am not giving up. I refuse to think of this, as giving up. I am making a sacrifice.
I will still work with yarn. And, I will still blog about it, in case any of you, care to still read me.
But, there will be a change.
Soon to come, I will re-open my Etsy shop. I will begin to crochet afghans, hats, toys, etc. And, I will hope to sell them. I know it will not bring a fortune. But, hopefully I can manage to make some money, to help pay the bills. Hopefully, I can use my crocheting abilities, to help out, in this household.
The one reason, I am doing this.
My mother asked me to.
"Can you start selling your stuff online?"
How can I say no?
I am sorry. I really am. I feel devastated. I really don't want this Project to end. But, my skills are needed, in an effort to bring in money. My skills are needed to help my family, rather than just myself.
An Etsy shop will be up soon.
As for The Yarn Project...
I will always remember what it has taught me.